The controversial opinions surrounding facial makeup

There are lots of opinions, negative and positive alike, on the use and application of makeup to the skin. The need for and necessity of makeup to humans has been questioned. Facial makeup, especially applied by females, raises the most questions when it comes to the various kinds of makeup. Some people's view on facial makeup is that it is needed and used by those who are ashamed of their looks, who are not good-looking hence use of facial makeup has been attributed to low self esteem with regards to one's physical beauty. Others add to this views by attributing connotative meanings to facial makeup: a tool of deception , it is called, used to lure people into believing that these makeup users are beautiful whereas they are not. When asked what their thoughts were on naturally beautiful girls who applied makeup, replies were that if one possessed natural beauty, there was simply no requirement for artificial enhancement, so the beauty must have been enhanced artificially and needed to be maintained. A friend even asked "have you not heard of nude facial makeup, the kind that makes you appear all pretty without any indication that you've applied makeup?"
How bad is makeup really?  Afterall, in the old days, camwood and other colorants were applied by the women to their bodies and faces, for what other reason than to make them appear attractive.
Generally, makeup is made of substances, colorants and cosmetics that is used to impart beauty, enhance and improve the skin's appearance. In other words, all kinds of makeup is intended to affect the sense of beauty. Therefore, facial makeup aside, people who make use of dye, gels and other products on their hairs, which i'm aware many males use, apply makeup. Vaseline, lotions and creams used by both the female and male gender are considered make up too. These are just few makeup types that almost everyone makes use of today.There are also, those who feel that certain substances applied to the face are considered makeup while others are not. Well, facial makeup isn't just brown powder or concealer, white powder and lip balms are facial makeup too. Everyone wants to look good, maybe not on the same pace so nothing is too plain to be called makeup.
If we are all guilty of applying one kind of makeup or the other because we want to appear attractive, why then should facial makeup be treated as the black sheep?

Tradition and its conflict with the modern world

Modern theories, modern laws seem to have occupied the position of our traditional laws. Certain values which were upheld in the past aren't these days partly because these traditional values were seen as archaic and also due to the awareness that the modern replacements of these laws are easier to observe. Can tradition be totally erased from our activities and daily life and modern values in full control or will there be continuous clashes between the two as is reared often? An incident jolted me back to the realization that tradition still holds great influence.
A certain system that most people assume to have long been abolished yet families who were marked/marred by this traditional system have many limits especially when it comes to social interactions like marriages. A young man was ready to get married and when he sought the lady of his interest, he was asked to come back after enquiries had been made of his background. On his return, to his utter dismay, his marriage proposal was declined on grounds that were tolerable but when the lady and this man she wanted to be her husband would not relent in their choice to be with each other, she was told eventually, the reason she couldn't marry the young man. He was of a lineage that were characterized by seclusion from other indigenes of a place by certain cultural norms. In other words, no contact or social relation is to be made with this ostracised people else their curse becomes yours. Though, we claim to have come very far in enlightenment, it was astonishing to find that a good number of people still abide by that traditional law of "discrimination", the exact word we preach against today, although we are in a modern world. Some native towns allow interaction with these people but decline relation with them on serious issues while others strictly maintain a no-contact with them. Its not declared publicly, it is, after all, an "abolished" law.
Has tradition given way when our cultural diversity still cause clashes between us, towns, villages, hamlets under the same cultural region are at war or cease from communication simply because their traditional and cultural norms differ. Its a single modern nation but there is a tribalistic war because tradition and cultural elements like language differ us.
People still observe certain traditional rites like the traditional marriage, the cultural festivals. Tradition has caused a lot of constraints for women and those limits are still revered today. "A woman cannot have a land in her hometown, it is tradition" , "A man must build a house on his land in the village", " dowries and bride prices must be paid before two people are considered married, it is tradition".
Many people of this "modern" era often face perplexity trying to uphold some cultural values especially when it counters the neo- culture and their modern beliefs, religious or otherwise. Whereas there are others who try to balance both, sometimes, imperfectly and call it "Giving to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God, what belongs to Him.

Journey to the sun: a Biafran question

 
Biafra is loved and so is Nigeria. All the ndigbo want is peace, rest of mind and recognition and it doesn't seem like it will be gotten in a country that has enjoyed the patriotism of Igbos for over 50 years. It is saddening that no headway can be made and it must come to this secession. What is more saddening however, is that, while some people are fighting in sweat and blood for this "sun to rise", to see the day the easterners will finally have a republic that is truly theirs, there are others who have ulterior motives for agitating for the land of the rising sun not necessarily because the fight for Biafra is important to them rather, that it can be used as a political strategy to satisfy their own selfish interests. Our world, today, is governed by selfishness. Humans who use and exploit other humans to fulfil their desires. In this situation, humans are taking advantage of a supposedly pure cause.
There are chants of Biafra, praise chants but some of these praise singers are struggling to secure political offices in the Nigerian nation. Some are aspirants of positions that they plan to occupy after the 2019 elections. Biafra has become a source of leverage and threat. Requests are made before those in power by some of these " Biafrans" that certain conditions in their personal interests be met. Should these conditions be met, alliance will shift and they shall stand for the sun no more.
Sometime ago, I was in the optical department of a hospital in Abuja and this influential looking Alhaji walked in. Somehow, the conversation that ensued between him and the Hausa doctor involved me. The subject matter of the conversation was Biafra and Nigeria and as I explained to him reasons why I believed Biafra will succeed, he laughed and said " Can you not see? Your brothers are fighting for our lands in Abuja, how can they be fighting for the land of Biafra,  they haven't been given lands, once they get what they want, there will be no noise about Biafra".
Claims are made that the choice is Biafra yet amnesty is still sought after, by the same people who make these claims ,from the country they plan to secede from. I am anything but experienced in matters of such but isn't amnesty granted to those who have allegedly wronged the nation, therefore Biafra is yet to be officially existent and it is already considered a wrong to be pardoned of. Why seek amnesty from a nation you no longer want to be part of?
Is the republic of Biafra, the goal of the Ndigbo or a weapon intended as a hanging threat to the Nigerian government so that some selfish people can have their desires granted? The Biafran objective has to be stated clearly if the true Biafrans ever want this journey we have embarked on to take us to the promised land, the land of the rising Sun.

The darkness that hinders our progress

Darkness everywhere...in different dimensions, In the hearts of men, in our country, in our world. The word "light" is often associated with good things and positivity. So its no shock that a country like ours cannot be aligned with light or positivity when we can't boast of frequent power supply .
We accepted our fate that Nigeria cannot be provided uninterrupted power supply, daily. In fact, it is considered impossible. We realized this long ago and did not dispute hoping that although it wasn't constant, it will be supplied at average level. Alas, it is not so today.
At first, light as our power supply is simply referred to was rationed in many areas, one day:on, the next day:off. Sometime later, this was altered and it was said that power will be supplied without ration, this meant that we were left at the mercy of the power Holding Company of Nigeria to give us "light" on which days it pleased them to. On certain days, its benevolence will be displayed and the power supply will be constant, on other unfortunate days, the electric bulb won't even blink. Although, we pay electricity bills when due, we do not complain when we are not properly treated the way we should and our homes supplied with power. But this inadequacy of power supply has reached a height that can no longer be tolerated. In Awka, residents were forced to go without electricity for five days. It was a total black out, those who were fortunate to have generators had to purchase litres of petrol  at the exorbitant price of N145 per litre. At the end of the month,  these same people are expected to pay the bills else they will be disconnected from getting the almost nonexistent power supply. And we wonder why Nigeria is retrogressive. How can we see progress when we are surrounded by and in darkness. How can our currency have value when there is no "light" to see what is causing its devalue. Why would our economy not be in recession when there is no "light" to find a solution. To stop this darkness hindering our progress, we need light, Light in our families, light in our hearts, light in our brains and especially light in our electric bulbs. This is the beginning

The ironical serenity in a hustle and bustle town

I didn't anticipate my sojourn in this town, this ever busy town called Nnewi. I had tried and failed to speculate how my stay would turn out. Many call it the town of Okada ( motor bike). Its considered one of the busiest and business-centered towns. Of course, as soon as I alighted the bus on getting there,I heard it, the noise and activity welcoming me to the place. I got on a motor bike that took me to the street where my cousins lived. Since the transport vehicle I boarded, got into Nnewi late, it was almost dark when I reached my cousins' home. I was so tired, I didn't bother to look around. I freshened up hurriedly after being welcomed by my cousins and I slept shortly after. Imagine my surprise when I drew the curtains the next day and a gentle breeze caressed my face. I looked around, at the lush greenery, far from the dusty and dry leaves I expected and everyday, from then, I never ceased to admire the beauty of the surroundings, the sublime way in which the light green color of the flat complemented the banana and pawpaw leaves on the trees surrounding the area, the neatly washed roads, the morning dew on the shrubs. I would look down and see the children who lived in the flat too, climb into their parents' cars with their properly starched uniforms in a neat fashion. It wasnt what i had pictured. When walking on the streets, especially in the mornings, I took slow steps so I could savor the tranquility the street brought. Where I expected to hear loud car honks and siren alarms, I heard rustling. It made me feel as one with nature, the peace I felt, the serenity of this Nnewi I had come to love.

Growing up too fast : The things I did not understand

I wished to be liberated from this cage. I was tired of being in the junior class because i had tried and failed to understand many things. I had expected to be treated with more respect because i felt i was almost grown up. In the hostel, we were punished a lot and never given time to ourselves except at night. As if their status wasnt glaring enough, the seniors on my table at the refectory always tried to make me feel small. I felt often, that they saw a bodacious trait in me because I wasn't scared to share a table with them, on the contrary, I was but I had been assigned that table by a member of staff, who was I to heed: my teacher or my seniors? While everyone was eating, I would be sent to get drinking water for them like they only realized then that they would need water, and this earned me slaps from the refectory prefects since it was a rule that no one stands up during dining. I didnt understand why they needed to frustrate me in order to ascertain their authority. To stop them from imposing themselves on me, I started taking my food to seat with my mates but it was a discomfort to some of them, there was no sitting space for me since twelve people were allotted to each table so I stopped coming to the refectory altogether. As soon as the closing prayers were said in the mornings, I hurried to the refectory to see if my share of the bread loaves had been left for me, other times, i never bothered to go until a new session ommenced and we were assigned new eating tables.
On Saturdays, we were given chores and tasks which all amounted to keeping the hostels and surroundings clean. On this particular Saturday, I had been given a chore that needed the use of a bucket, there were no buckets lying around so I rushed in to get mine. It wasn't there, I asked my friends and they told me a senior student had taken my bucket. Actually, she was in the junior class too but we were made to call anyone, as long as they were above us in class, "seniors", this same student had deprived me of my bucket thrice now, I was going to give her a piece of my mind. I confronted her and warned her to desist from taking my bucket. She reported me to the house captain, I was called a rude junior student and punished. I didn't understand, why would I be punished because I queried someone who took my bucket, I was fighting for my rights.
One early morning, senior Tinuke asked me to get her a cup of water so she could have her brush. I was about to start my morning duty then so I decided to wait till it was my turn to fetch water for her. When it got to my turn, I forgot that senior Tinuke sent me on an errand , I fetched water and started my chores. I was almost done when I looked up and saw her watching me. The next thing I heard was " Warka, come up". I ran with the cup to plead with her. I forgot, I tried to explain but all I got were slaps. I was asked to kneel down, it was almost time for classes but Tinuke didn't care, after all she was an Ss2 student. I didn't understand why she wouldn't listen to my pleas, it was just an error of omission.
That same week, I entered Tinuke's trap again. I bought a lip gloss during the holidays. It could change from colorless to pink. I thought it was cool until I got to the chapel and she was there with her friends. "Lipstick" that's what she called me, followed by a slap and one fat JSS2 student burst into laughter mimicking the lipstick nickname Tinuke called me and she was slapped too. I didn't understand why Tinuke had to slap people to emphasize her point, she could have explained to me that I shouldn't apply colored gloss, I didn't understand why she had to slap the fat girl too.
During night prep, some Ss3 students read in our classes, there were no extra seats for them so they displaced some classmates of mine. And whenever, anyone was caught sleeping, they were sent to the fore of the class to frog jump. I didn't understand why students should be punished for sleeping when the senior students often slept during the night prep. Besides, it wasn't during classes, so if we were fatigued and couldn't read anymore, why were we not allowed to sleep?
Senior Jye  was the senior student I admired the most. An intelligent and very mature student, she was given the post of refectory prefect. She was kind too. Of course, there were some things she did that I didn't understand too, like the day she asked me to sneak her potion of food out of the refectory for her and then, when she became prefect, punished a student for sneaking out food for her fellow class mate. Still, I liked her so I talked to her about all these things and she laughed and explained some to me.
What I discovered from Jye's explanation was that what I termed wickedness or bullying was not necessarily that all the time. In the world, there are rules that govern how we live and act and when we break some of these rules, there is an unbalanced situation. I had come to a new world, the boarding school. There were rules that made me know my position and my limits, just like the most senior students had teachers to remind them of their position and limits. I was treated in some ways because I was considered grown up and I was expected to understand the way the world of the boarding school worked. I couldn't be totally free but each new step I took lessened my constraints and limits. All I needed was endurance, keeness, tolerance and reverence to adapt and enjoy the ride. And then everything came into perspective, and when it did,  things turned out better. I tried to make the most of my time in that world. Even the punishments turned to fun.
Eventually, I had to change schools after junior class and I wasnt happy leaving but I wasn't worried either because i  had learnt the rules to adapt in every "world" I found myself. I finally understood.

Growing up too fast (1)

I wasn't born there but the first five years of my life were spent in the then tranquil state of Nassarawa. Life was so simple then, on week days, my big aunt got me ready for school, nursery school. We had to cross a gully to get to school, it was the shorter route and whenever we got to the gully, I got scared, I didn't want to fall in but my aunt was always there to help me. I wanted to grow up quickly and be like her, this strong aunt, that wasn't scared of gullies.
On my way from school, mama Sikira would give me zobo and sugar in seperate nylon bags, I would hurry home to show it to mum but she never let me lick the sugar. It made me sad few times, and those times I wished I was a big girl so mummy wouldn't choose what I could or couldn't eat, then I could lick lots of sugar.
On a fateful day, I had returned from school to hear that my friend Dinma had an accident at home, we collected our results that day and Dinma had passed excellently well. Her uncle was very happy with her and he threw her up and caught her, something Dinma liked a lot but the second time he threw her, he didn't realize how close they were to the ceiling fan and one of the blades slashed her neck. She didn't die but the cut was deep and it made me unhappy, "If Dinma was as big as her elder sisters who attended boarding school," I thought "uncle okoro would not hurl her up and cause her such injury. I wanted to grow up fast so no one would have to throw me up and give me a cut on my neck.
Whenever, Dinma's big sisters came home, I was very excited. They had knowledge of many things and  they taught Dinma and I, the difficult sums in our homework. Everyone in the neighborhood treated them like adults and so I wanted them to teach me what they knew so I would be an adult too but they wouldn't because I was " too small"and so I wanted to be a big girl so I could be smart and full of knowledge like Dinma's sisters.
Big aunt came home crying, one day, her school got burnt to the ground and all her documents were in ashes. I didn't understand why the people in the polytechnic let the fire gut my big aunt's documents, I was angry and I wished I could grow up immediately and save it so she would stop crying.
Jane had a big bicycle, she was far older than I was. But I liked hers, it was really big but mine was small I looked like a toy, I was told that my legs wouldn't reach the pedals of Jane's bicycle, I doubted this. I saw it as a means to dissuade me from riding Jane's bicycle so when she wasn't around, I took the bicycle and tried to climb onto it, I fell with it and some parts of it got damaged and when Jane's strict dad came home from work, he demanded the name of the little girl who ruined the bicycle. Her name is Ann, he was told. On hearing my name, I ran into the house and locked it. I felt bad , I didn't intend to damage the bicycle and I wanted to tell Jane's dad that but I knew he would scold me, I didn't want to be scolded. Maybe if I was big, he would listen to me.  I wanted to grow up at least, past primary school so no one would scold me.
On an inauspicious day, there was a riot, I thought it was one of the infrequent protests unions held to make complaints, I was wrong. This riot was to end my stay in "peaceful" Nassarawa and when I  got into the van that was to take us to daddy, i realized this, that i wasnt coming back, that i would never get zobo from mama Sikira, I would not cross the scary gully, there will not be a Dr J.J to give me Vitamin C sweets whenever I went to his hospital, I won't play catch with Dinma and I would not get homemade chin chin as sugar-coated as that of the female youth corps member, who lived next door. I was going to miss all of this, this things I never spent time savoring because I was too busy wishing I could grow up fast. I have not seen Dinma,  her sisters and Jane to this day and then i didnt know I would think back to these days and feel that i grew up too fast.

The plight of Nigerian scholars in Russia and the nonchalance of the Nigerian Government

Every undergraduate dreams of graduating from the university with quality education and at the stipulated duration of his/her course of study. The tertiary education system in Nigeria with its recurrent strikes, the lack of opportunities and means in the country to actualize one's goals especially after graduation and lastly, the desire to acquire quality education has driven many Nigerian students to seek for admission overseas. Since most of them cannot afford their travel, feeding and tuition fees, they solicit for assistance through scholarship schemes who sponsor full or part sponsorships to the students in monetary terms.
One of such scholarship schemes is the Bilateral Education Scholarship Scheme, a scheme which handles scholarships being offered by non-speaking English countries to Nigeria and vice versa. Russia is one of these countries in collaboration with Nigeria. In the agreement between both countries regarding the Nigerian scholars, the Russian government is to pay the tuition fees for these students while the Nigerian government is to cater for the students' monthly upkeep.
Presently, the Russian Government seems to be the only one honouring the bilateral agreement because for over five months, the Nigerian government  has desisted from providing for these students who it has undertaken to care for leaving the students broke and in need. Some have resorted to borrowing in an attempt to avoid starvation and temptation to steal to the extent that the Russian government, who are aware of their pitiable condition gives them meagre funds to sustain them. Some of the students have lost academic focus which is understandable. Maslow's hierarchical theory states that primary needs; shelter, food and clothing comes before other needs, one cannot be expected to study if he lacks nourishment.
Cries on the plight of these scholars, who traveled to Russia with hopes for a brighter and better academic future, are all over national newspapers and online magazines but the Nigerian Government has turned deaf ears to their situation. Few of these students have parents who provide them with the little they can but the rest are in sheer misery as their country has failed in its duty to provide for them.
Recently, the Olympic athletes representing Nigeria were embarrassed because the country made no provisions for their accommodation and they were privileged to be assisted by one of our very own, a footballer, from his personal finance. Who will liberate these students from this penury? The carelessness of the Nigerian government can no longer be tolerated. A clarion call should be made.

Treading the streets of Ifite-Awka like on a runway

Have you ever walked on a runway, the  narrow platform used in fashion shows and display by models. Due to its constricted form, one needs to walk consciously else there will be a fall, that's why the models are trained to walk the runway. Not everyone has the knack for walking the runway, the task is herculean so those who can try it while those who cant , stay put. Although, it seems the ifite road in Awka is compelling its town's residents to learn the runway walk as one has to tread carefully since the rainy season.
The road leading to ifite from Amansea in Awka, Anambra gets worse with each passing day. This road connects to a federal university in Nigeria  and poses constant difficulty especially to the students.
Cars and buses break down  on the road daily often obstructing people who are in a hurry to get to their businesses or duties. Unsuspecting passers-by sometimes get stuck on the road too.  A final year student was on his way to school for his project defense when the motor bike he had gotten on sped over a muddy  part of the road and splashed mud on his white shirt. I have also had my share of this sad experience, twice to be precise. Some days ago, I was at a viewing centre watching a football match and decided to get satchet water to drink, I came out to the nearest shop, every corner was flooded as it had been raining so when I noticed heaps of sand along the road, I felt lucky, there was somewhere to walk on. My first step on the heap took me deep into the sand, I kept moving hoping to find a spot that wasn't in the form of a sinking sand until I was stuck and couldn't get out. I got help from a shop owner who brought my foot wear out from the mud. On the second occasion, the bike I had taken, lost control and I found myself on the ground alongside the rider and his motor bike.
Due to its unfavourable state, accidents occur frequently in the town. The fact that this road leads to a tertiary institution of such position as the Nnamdi Azikiwe University is appalling. Will the state government do something about it as promised "centuries" ago  or are the residents to keep walking the runway?

Standing in their shoes

Most of us would have come across people who claimed they were stranded or in need of money to get to their destinations. Sometimes, we render help, other times, we do not because we have doubts about the genuineness in their pleas. I seldom helped these people because I disbelieved their stories. It was all scam, they are all fraudsters. How is it possible that a person could be stranded  especially  those who claimed to be lost and penniless, and not have any alternative, what about the ATM? I thought. On a certain day, for which I was unprepared, I stepped into their shoes.

I had made plans to visit my cousin and as soon as it was  noon, I left awka for igbariam.   This was in my first year in Unizik, Awka in Anambra, Nigeria. In Awka, at every stop, you are sure of seeing  at least one or several banks around. Being a newbie, I assumed it would be the same in every other town/city in the state so when I got to the bus-stop and I was charged thrice the amount normally charged for transport fare, I wasn't bothered. "I would withdraw from an ATM as soon as I get to Igbariam" I told myself. As soon as the bus left Awka, I asked a lady seated beside me if she could inform me when we got to Igbariam and she replied in the affirmative and convinced me that she was very familiar with the town having been there severally. After thirty minutes, I asked this lady if we had gotten there and she told me no. Twenty seven minutes later, I asked again. I didn't think the town would be this far and I asked someone else. Lo and behold, we were two towns past my destination and that's how I alighted in an unknown town with less than hundred naira on me. I walked up to a woman and explained to her that I was lost and needed her to give me directions on how to get back to Igbariam and I let her know I was in a difficult situation. It was hard for me to talk about my predicament but I knew I needed help. The kind lady took me to the bus stop and surprisingly gave me some money saying that the amount I had wouldn't get me to Igbariam. And when I got to the bus stop, I met a warm hearted woman and her son who eventually paid for my transport fare when we got on the bus. I was really grateful and that's when it dawned on me.
What would I have done if no one believed my story? There were no banks for several miles. I realized that some of those "stranded"  people might have been telling the truth but I couldn't understand the desperate situation they were in until I was standing in their shoes. True, not all these people are being honest but how can we tell?

Beating the pickpocket at his own game: How to handle a criminal

I have heard of smart ways to deal with tricksters and people who aren't straightforward. Today, I heard of another means to deal with, this time not a trickster but, a pickpocket.

Lexi, a very dear friend of mine is fond of leaving money in his back pockets even when he was in a very busy area. I wondered why he was never worried about being stolen from on the streets. I decided to ask him his reason and his reply sounded very funny at first but when I pondered on it, it seemed impractical but sensible. If you've ever lost money to a pickpocket and you need to teach one of them a lesson. Here is Lexi's suggestion:

Put the money in your back pocket, but in such a way that its obvious yet will seem carefully kept, make sure you do this in a street where the residents over react or are highly sensitive to issues. Most important of all, be alert lest you fall prey to pickpocketing a second time.As soon as you notice him/her, just let them have the moment and let them move towards your back pocket, then raise an alarm. Rule 3: do not let go of the pickpocket for any reason except he has a knife with him. Then, you make a claim that money was already missing from your pocket. Hopefully, he will have money on him, if not, he will get a good beating.  You might consider it wrong because you are making false accusations but to kill a beast, you have to be a beast plus he did want to steal from you.
Lastly, don't expect your chance to "revenge" to come immediately. You've got to persist in putting your money at stake until you finally have "your day in court".
                                                                                                               Yours, Lexi

FINDING ART AND CONQUERING FEAR

 

Queen's Journal

 I called him Art. It was the only name I could think of that suited his personality. He made me see that every human is an Art, just as the artist's work is an extension of himself, so are we supposed to be, portraying what is within not whatever constraints society conforms us to. Like Art, we all have a different sound, a different form, a different dance, a different painting we are to display to the world. Being Art signifies exploring whats innate, the qualities we possess and utilizing them.Our lives should reflect who we are, that's true beauty. The beauty of Art is in expression devoid of imitating another. 

Meeting Art was the one of the most significant events in my life a year ago. He was unapologetically himself, never shy or ashamed of making mistakes. He did the things he loved without caring who was watching. He changed my perspective of life. I started attempting things, activities I have always avoided because although I liked these activities, I was afraid of trying new things and being looked at as a novice, I was afraid of losing so I didn't compete for anything even contests I had huge chances of winning, I needed society to see me as perfect and that couldn't be achieved if I tried anything. I was afraid of apologizing because I felt it made me appear weak. Spending time with Art changed most of that. He was very hardworking and still made time for leisure on his schedule. He's not the most devout christian but he was good to others. He was so "real" that he made the rigid life I had adopted apparently fake. I realized that he was a very happy person because he was being himself and it started rubbing off on me. I was no longer interested in impressing people or bothered about their opinions of me, I found myself less snubbish, more confident, apologizing after a fight or quarrel no longer made me feel small. I tried new ventures, those things I have always fantasized about and dreamt of. I stopped pretending to be uncompassionate because I didn't want people to see me as friendly and that's when I discovered I had good relationship skills so I started giving pep talks. I never felt such liveliness in me until then. I did lose in many of the  contests but it only made me more resilient.

Art and I havent been in contact for a while,sadly but he left indelible prints in my life during our time together and when I think back, I realize that those times were my best undergraduate days, the period when i finally found my Art.

My first encounter with depression

 The word "depression" had always sounded foreign to me. My notion was that it wasn't a psychological condition that happened to Africans. But an experience triggered it and changed my view.
I did not even realize what it was until it hit me hard. it wasn't surprising however that the condition set in, I have never been one to handle failure or loss in a competition with smiles. So on this day, when the audition had ended, we(the participants) were told to expect confirmation messages if we were qualified for the next round. I cannot say I did my best because I did not but I felt I had passed enough to qualify. So, when two days passed and no message, I tried to convince myself to no avail that the organizers probably delayed in sending the message. Kanni advised me to contact one of the organizers and know what's up? I did and he said it will be sent at night. Evening came and morning came, yet it wasn't forthcoming. Evening was nearing again and that's when it came, in form of anger. I was angry at myself because I would have been 100% sure I would be eligible if I hadn't missed a single step during the audition. I felt dumb. I was angry at Blaq, I couldn't find succour on his shoulders because at the time, our relationship was lacking depth, it was all about making out and movies. I stayed the whole day brooding, checking my messages and wishing i could go back in time to redo my mistake at the audition. If only...And all of a sudden, I burst into tears, I turned the other way so Kanni wouldn't notice, I mean it would not have been so bad if it was something I was new to but to lose at an audition for an activity that is a part and parcel of me was nothing to write home about. When Kanni noticed, she tried to cheer me up and eventually ended up shrieking with laughter...You know the funny part of this is that after three weeks when the memory was fast eluding me, I received a call apologizing for their mistake, there was a mix up in my phone number. Truth is, I participated up to last round of the competition, I enjoyed it but it wasn't worth the beating I gave myself.

Choices

I remember how difficult it was for my siblings to choose between biscuits and sweets when asked to, in childhood. Well, my friend T experienced the same thing not long ago but in an entirely different situation. You see, T had two great male friends,Utom was doting and kind, she met him first and then there was Mr E, the cute, smart and confident one that T couldn't resist. Eventually, she decided to date Mr E. T knew being so close to the two guys would affect either of the relationships/friendships but she couldn't cut things a little with Utom. He made her feel safe, he was always there for her but Mr E made her laugh,he made her happy,he influence her positively so selfish T would run to Utom when her relationship with Mr E wasn't smooth, instead of sorting out issues with Mr E and she would run back to her "boyfriend" when things were rosy. Like the saying goes, you can't eat your cake and have it. T's confidence that she always had an option came to a rocky bottom when she cut things off with Mr E. Since she was always running to comfort, she never tried to smoothen the edges of her relationship and it became thorny. She quit and turned to Utom but Mr E was her spark, not having him around made her more egocentric. There was only so much Utom could take, he felt he was being used and he started withdrawing....The bad thing is T didn't learn her lesson.
Lesson: like two sides of a coin, you cannot have the head and the tail at a time. One must give way

The consequences of naivety in Naija

People have always told me I have got this "good girl" face so maybe that's what the phone repairer saw when he nearly cleared my bank accounts under the pretext of repairing my phone. It hurts to be used like that , in these hard times.
My Infinix phone was malfunctioning. I needed a place to repair it so I told my sister who sent me the number of a guy who was good at it. On getting to the place where I was to meet the guy, his line mysteriously went off so I was left with no choice than to find another. That's where my travails began, firstly, he said " ah, the phone has virus o, no be battery problem, we gats flash am". After giving me his word that as soon as it was flashed, the phone will function properly, I paid him. He flashed it and nothing happened. Secondly, he said "since the phone fell inside water sometime ago, I have to clean it". I paid him for that too, still, no progress. Then he suggested inserting a new battery which he insisted was not the problem initially and I agreed and Voila! the phone started functioning. Good girl, that I am, I did not even request for a refund of the initial payments I made. After all, my goal was to get the phone to function and it did. When I got home and my friends started asking the cost of the repair, I told them and behold screams from all angles about how the guy exploited me. Then someone worsened it by saying " Na because you be woman" . Its bad enough that I was exploited but for someone to conclude that it was as a result of my gender was heart rending. To top it all, the phone guy made it look like he was doing me a favor
Lesson of the day: In Nigeria, always haggle the price of anything except things with fixed prices because no matter how fair the price may seem to you, you never know...

Chauvinist Alert!

 The signs were hard to conceal. It was all there, in his manner of approach, the derogatory look, everything. No one had to tell me that Tunechi was an upcoming male chauvinist.
We all get to experience chauvinism in different ways in Naija, in tribes, in language, in course of study and a lot more. Yes, unwarranted bias and favoritism for one's own. naturally, such devotion makes us look down on those who do not belong to whatever group we belong to.
Well, recently, I experienced something of the sort and it had to do with chauvinism relating to gender. It wasnt totally an experience, more like something i noticed, I wouldn't speak of it if I had not noticed a pattern. I am a very observant lady and this guy, Tunechi ( my chauvinist hypothesis) is a friend of a friend. Tunechi comes to my friend's room frequently just like a lot of guys in the apartment. So, I've seen him relate with familiar land unfamiliar guys in a nice and courteous. But on three occasions, I have watched Tunechi's relation with the feminine gender including myself. The first time, I had asked him who and if he changed the channel from the on the Go TV station and he gave me this "I think you have lost your mind" look and turned to the TV ignoring me totally. I asked again, this time, Kesh, my sis joined in asking, he turned, sized us, scoffed and turned to the TV. I let him be but my sis couldn't and she requested that he returned to the channel everyone was previously interested in. Tunechi stood up, dropped the remote on the table and was about to leave the room when one of the guys in the room said "Guy, you want to go out like that? Change the channel na" And he did. On the second occasion, I went to Chiugo's room to get my mop. His girlfriend was there and Tunechi came in, saw us both, he didn't mutter as much as a greeting, wandered around the room looking for something and when he didn't find what he was looking for, his ego then realized that Blessing, Chiugo's girlfriend was present, he asked her "Come, where did Chiugo keep his headphone?" and without bothering to hear what she had to say, he added, "Just come and look for it". Honestly,considering Tunechi's tone, if I had entered the room at that moment, my thought will be that Blessing was the one who misplaced the headphone. My view is not that Tunechi is a male chauvinist but I believe he is getting there.
We all have to say no to extreme chauvinism, if someone can't respect us or looks down on us because they feel superior to us, they, as well, do not deserve to be respected, tolerated or even condoned.

Wagers and bets: an analogy of the devil giving with one hand and taking back with the other?

 Have you ever experienced a situation where you scored or won in an activity/competition and the monetary prize you were given was squandered in a jiffy on nothing tangible. In fact, you cannot place your finger on what you might have used it for. I am beginning to think there's a lot more to lose than what's gained in bets.
Honestly, I haven't met or heard of anyone who won a bet, invested and profited from it, either its spent on celebrating with friends over the win or channeled back into betting again.
A recent incident of an acquaintance got me wondering how genuine betting profits are. Cheta won an estimate of 300,000 naira from BetNaija about 2 months ago, partied with his friends with some of the money.In this economy meltdown, that's great news. I was so happy for him until I heard two days ago that he has been avoiding many people. I felt it was because a lot of people clung to him as a result of what he earned but that wasn't the case rather he owed money and could not pay back. To some, he owed ten thousand, five thousand and to others two to three thousand naira. And the question I have been asking myself is "what did Cheta do with all that money? Yes, three hundred thousand is not too huge a sum but its enough to last a frugal student, whose parents still provide for him, for more than two months. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he had used the money for a noble cause but i had a stronger instinct that it was squandered as it always is. Could bet wins be the proverbial case of the devil giving with one hand and taking back with the other?

Our superficial views

 In this present day, when everyone is looking for financial security and the quick ways to make money, people attribute everything to be effected by money. No one believes there can be other genuine reasons for taking particular actions other than finance as is the case of a certain bride who absconded from her wedding.
She had been dating this man who happened to be working at Chevron for a significant period. Chevron is a well known oil company and most of its employees are known for their huge salaries. Their courtship eventually led to a marriage proposal. On her wedding day, this bride eventually finds out that her knight in shining armour does not work with Chevron, that in fact he has no job at all. The bride leaves him at the altar. People's opinion of the lady is that she is money-driven. Someone asked "what if the man was an employee in a more renowned company than Chevron, for instance, Microsoft Inc, and he lied about it and claimed he worked at the oil company, would the bride leave him at the altar? We exist in a world where honesty is still valued by some people, no matter how few in number they are. I believe that the bride's reason for absconding had little or no relation with his finance rather she couldn't forgive his dishonesty and lies. A man who would lie about his job and financial status will lie about any other thing if the need arises .My question is " why would any mentally fit man who works under a bigger corporation or organization claim a lower but reputable corporation.
Sometimes, we all should try to think better of others, have good opinions of them, give them the benefit of the doubt especially when we know nothing of their charisma like the "poor" bride.

Homosexualism: another means of earning income?

Money is a necessity in our lives. Therefore, its not new to find people engaging in various activities, whether acceptable, unlawful, legal or immoral, to earn a living. Some Nigerians even consider being paid for homosexualism a worthy venture.
Personally, I am not prejudiced against homosexuals and homosexualism but in our country, its not totally legal which means practising it may be tantamount to crime plus there are lots of families whose values do not tolerate concepts such as gayism. Some members of the male gender opine that female homosexuals are preferable to male homosexuals and more tolerable, they claim that there's nothing enticing about "going through the back". An old friend of mine used to say" I can understand two girls;soft and soft but two hard guys? No!I have heard of incidents where a male was beaten by his fellow males.Still its rare to find Nigerians publicly asserting even the supposedly accepted lesbian status. For male homosexualism, it seems this notion of unacceptability from Nigerian guys is changing gradually. This is an opinion of a young man:
"There's nothing special about being with girls. I can do men atimes if I choose. When asked if he could change his straight status to gay if he would be paid money as has been rumored of recent. He replied in the affirmative, saying as long as he was earning money for it, being gay is a lifestyle he can handle properly. About six out of the nine males asked, maintained a positive answer. I believe the saying, change is permanent.

Blameshifting: What motivates it?

Our problems today, is partly caused by people's refusal to take responsibilities for their actions, as cowardly as this is, there are those who go to the extreme and blame others for their actions or its consequences in order to deflect guilt from themselves. My cousin had an encounter with a blameshifter recently.
My cousin, Alice, has always admired independent and strong women. From adolescence, she worked on herself to be able to achieve things without depending on others a lot. So when she was assigned a research project topic to work with a partner in the university as a final year student, she did not insist on his contribution to the demanding research study they were to carry out. Apparently, her partner is an undedicated student, who takes his studies very lightly, mostly absent from lectures. Being a kind lady, she advised him to come with her whenever she had to meet with the project supervisor so he would be well informed on whatever steps they were taking. But this was not to be for Mr. partner. Perhaps, he is a businessman, in school for any certificate whether it was one with a 3rd class honours on it or just someone who doesn't hold his education in high regard, therefore, it was of little importance that he participate wholly in the study. He decided to provide only the finance needed to print the project work despite Alice letting him know that their supervisor has a reputation for being too strict and that he requested he be present, most of the time. Alice consented to this, after all, "monkey no go do all the work make baboon come chop". Finally, the research work was complete and that's when her supervisor insisted that Mr. partner's name be taken off the project work if he was to sign on the project work,as far as the supervisor was concerned, the gentleman made no contributions to the progress of the research. Her partner went ballistic, called her names and blamed her for the supervisor's decision. In his words " As my partner, it is your duty to call me anytime you're to see the man". This is a student who seldomly attends classes and even missed some of his exams. Why do people blameshift? So that they can feel better or simply because they are cowards?

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