FINDING ART AND CONQUERING FEAR

 

Queen's Journal

 I called him Art. It was the only name I could think of that suited his personality. He made me see that every human is an Art, just as the artist's work is an extension of himself, so are we supposed to be, portraying what is within not whatever constraints society conforms us to. Like Art, we all have a different sound, a different form, a different dance, a different painting we are to display to the world. Being Art signifies exploring whats innate, the qualities we possess and utilizing them.Our lives should reflect who we are, that's true beauty. The beauty of Art is in expression devoid of imitating another. 

Meeting Art was the one of the most significant events in my life a year ago. He was unapologetically himself, never shy or ashamed of making mistakes. He did the things he loved without caring who was watching. He changed my perspective of life. I started attempting things, activities I have always avoided because although I liked these activities, I was afraid of trying new things and being looked at as a novice, I was afraid of losing so I didn't compete for anything even contests I had huge chances of winning, I needed society to see me as perfect and that couldn't be achieved if I tried anything. I was afraid of apologizing because I felt it made me appear weak. Spending time with Art changed most of that. He was very hardworking and still made time for leisure on his schedule. He's not the most devout christian but he was good to others. He was so "real" that he made the rigid life I had adopted apparently fake. I realized that he was a very happy person because he was being himself and it started rubbing off on me. I was no longer interested in impressing people or bothered about their opinions of me, I found myself less snubbish, more confident, apologizing after a fight or quarrel no longer made me feel small. I tried new ventures, those things I have always fantasized about and dreamt of. I stopped pretending to be uncompassionate because I didn't want people to see me as friendly and that's when I discovered I had good relationship skills so I started giving pep talks. I never felt such liveliness in me until then. I did lose in many of the  contests but it only made me more resilient.

Art and I havent been in contact for a while,sadly but he left indelible prints in my life during our time together and when I think back, I realize that those times were my best undergraduate days, the period when i finally found my Art.